


Angel Dust: Master of the Dark

by FurbyDisaster53



Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [4]
Category: Hazbin Hotel (Web Series), Helluva Boss (Web Series)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Human, Angel Dust in Drag (Hazbin Hotel), Dark Magic, Elvira: Mistress of the Dark (1988), F/M, Human Angel Dust (Hazbin Hotel), Human Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Humor, M/M, Movie parodies, Transformation
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-11-06
Updated: 2020-11-18
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:55:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 9
Words: 11,326
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27417622
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/FurbyDisaster53/pseuds/FurbyDisaster53
Summary: After quitting his TV show, Angel Dust finds himself with no money, job, or any way to achieve his dream of performing in Vegas. But just when all seemed lost, he got a letter saying that his long lost twin sister died, he can go to Massachusetts to claim his inheritance. The only problem is, no one in Massachusetts could have been prepared for him.This is a (awful) parody of Elvira: Mistress of the Dark. I just randomly got obsessed with Elvira and figured this was a good idea.
Relationships: Angel Dust/Husk (Hazbin Hotel), Millie/Moxxie (Helluva Boss)
Series: Hazbin Hotel Movie Parodies [4]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1974124
Comments: 26
Kudos: 26





	1. Chapter 1

A man lounged on an ornate chaise and smiled at a camera. He had dark black hair, and people constantly debated on whether or not it was a dye job. He had pale skin, wore make up, a red ring, and had a black dress that was extremely low cut, and had a slit in the skirt that went all the way up to his hip, exposing his thin, stocking covered legs. “Hello, babies. It’s me again, Angel Dust, Master of the Dark. Well, that’s our show! I hope ya liked watching it as much as I did,” he said, before making a gagging motion. “Seriously, could ya believe those dumbass monsters? Looked like Elmo on a bad drug trip. Anybody even know what that movie was about? I can tell ya what it was about. About an hour and a half too long!” Angel exclaimed, as the camera man motioned for him to wrap it up. “Alright, don’t forget next week, we got the Horror of Party Beach. Until then, this is Angel. Wishing all of ya unpleasant dreams,” he grinned, just before the camera shut off. 

As Angel started to walk out the studio, a girl ran over with pink hair that fell over one of her eyes. “Hey, Angie!” she called. “Not now, Cherri,” Angel replied. “This is important! See that guy?” Cherri asked, pointing at him. “The fucker with the greasy hair and the top hat?” asked Angel. “Yeah. That’s the station’s new owner, Jasper Vox. I’m warning you now, he’s kind of a major fucking asshole,” the girl said, just as Vox started to walk over. “What’s going on over here?” he asked. “Nothing much. Mr. Vox. I’d like you to meet my friend, Angel Dust. He’s got a show here,” Cherri replied, as Angel waved. Vox looked Angel over, before giving the shorter man a sickening grin. “Hello there, doll. Are you busy anytime soon? I could use a bit of company,” he said. “Sorry mister, looks like it’ll just be you and ya good old right hand,” smirked Angel. “If you’re going to be a smart ass, you just might end up fired,” Vox stated. 

“Go on and do it. I need this job like I need your dick. I got an act I’m opening up in Las Vegas,” replied Angel. “Oh, well you can try your act on me!” Vox smiled, before placing his hands on Angel’s waist. Angel glared up at him and slammed his heel onto Vox’s foot. “Listen up ya bastard, nobody is gonna treat me like that, so if ya come within so much as ten feet of me, I’ll chop off ya hands and shove em up ya ass!” he shouted, before kneeing Vox in the groin. Angel wound up quitting the show not long after, and now he and Cherri were cleaning out his dressing room. I still can’t believe you quit!” Cherri exclaimed. “Why not? I’m headed to Vegas, remember? I don’t need to watch those cheesy ass horror movies ever again,” Angel replied. “Uhhh...speaking of….I got a call from the Flamingo for you. They said they won’t hold the show until you get money to back it up,” she said. “Those bastards. How much do they want?” asked Angel. “Uhhhh fifty thousand dollars,” Cherri answered. 

“Fifty thousand dollars?! Are they fuckin crazy?! Where am I gonna get that?” he exclaimed. “Maybe it isn’t too late to get your job back!” said Cherri. “Yeah right. I’m not workin for that sleazy bastard again! I’ll just have to find a new sleazy bastard,” Angel replied. Just then there was a knock at the door. Cherri opened it and came back with a letter. “‘Dear Anthony, this letter is in regards to your twin sister Molly. I’m sorry to inform you of her untimely passing’,” she read. “I didn’t even know I had a sister, much less a twin. Lemme see,” Angel said, as he took the letter. “It says here all I gotta do is head to Falwell, Massachusetts for the reading of the will, and I can pick up my inheritance! Is that timing or what?” he smiled. “I know right?! So, you’re heading to Massachusetts?” Cherri asked. “Ya better believe it, sugar tits. I’ll see ya when I get my inheritance,” he said, before giving her a hug. “Be careful,” Cherri said. “Please babe, this is me ya talkin to. It’ll be FINE,” he smiled.

Angel put on a pair of sunglasses, then went off in his convertible. He was curious about the sister he never knew, but he was mostly concerned with getting the money he needed for Vegas. After the shitty day he had, this was just what he needed. And nothing was going to stop him from achieving his dream. Nothing. He did unintentionally blow up a gas station on his way though.


	2. Chapter 2

After driving for what seemed like ages, Angel Dust finally made it to the sleepy Massachusetts town. He immediately caught people’s attention, but suddenly his car broke down. “Well that’s fuckin great,” he sighed, getting out. “Well I never!” said a voice behind him. Angel turned and saw a tall man with brown hair and glasses, looking down at him with a smug smile. “Yeah and ya never will if ya grinnin like a psycho,” he returned. “Alright, let’s try it again. My name is Alastor. And I don’t care who you are or where you came from, but you most definitely don’t fit in our community. You don’t even properly fit in that dress,” he grinned. “Listen mister, if I want ya opinion, I’ll beat it outta ya,” said Angel. “My boy, you won’t last a day here. I’ll see to it myself,” Alastor replied, before walking away. Angel looked at the small crowd that had gathered around him. “Anybody know where I can find a garage or some shit?” he asked. 

Suddenly, two teenage boys ran over. One with messy black hair and glasses, and the other with bleach blonde hair; and both of them were obviously at least a LITTLE turned on by Angel. “Yeah! Yeah, there’s one right up the street. Um, I’m Moxxie, this is Baxter,” the blonde one said, as the other simply waved. Angel took off his sunglasses and smiled at them. “Well, would one of ya big, strong boys like to give me a little….push?” he asked. The two nodded and immediately ran behind his car to push it. “He’s amazing!” Moxxie exclaimed. “He looks better in a dress than all the girls here,” Baxter nodded. Pretty soon Angel reached the garage, and his car had been looked at. Sure enough, Angel’s car was temporarily beyond repair. “Ah fuck, that means I’m stuck in this hell hole. Uhhh I mean this...quaint little hell hole. Hey, is there a motel around here?” Angel asked, looking at the repairman. “The Cozy Cot, down at the corner of Main Street,” the man answered, seemingly eager to get Angel far away. “Thanks a lot,” Angel said, as he grabbed his suitcases from the trunk and left.

Angel made his way to the motel, getting odd looks the whole way. He opened the door and saw a pissed off looking blonde woman, and a man with quickly graying hair. “Hey! Angel Dust. Ya guys got any room?” Angel asked. “Sorry, we’re booked solid,” the woman said, with a passive aggressive smile. “But ya sign said vacancy,” said Angel. “Well that sign is broken, sweetie. So take your little drag show on the road,” she returned. “But Katie, we do have a room! Remember, that trucker with the bad skin checked out this morning,” the grey haired man said. “Shut the fuck up,” the woman returned. Just then, a dark haired girl ran into the room. She was surprised by Angel, but before she could say anything, Katie yelled at her. “Are you wearing makeup?!” she asked. “Well...yes. I mean the other girls at school do!” the girl replied. “Then the other girls are hoes. Honestly, I figured you’d have a little more class than that,” Katie sighed. She, Tom, and the girl started arguing, and Angel had to whistle to get their attention. “Hey, I don’t wanna interrupt this episode of The Goldbergs, but is there a fuckin room I can get or not?” he asked. “Fine. But it’s cash up front. I know what your TYPE does to hotel rooms,” Katie said, handing Angel a key. “I’ll show the gentleman to his room,” Tom smiled. “No, no you won’t,” Katie returned. 

Pretty soon, Angel and the girl from earlier were walking to his room. “Hey, don’t let that bitch get ya down. I used to get the same crap about makeup from the nuns at the orphanage. Course that was for another reason. I’m Angel Dust,” he smiled, holding out a hand to her. “I’m Millie,” she replied, shaking his hand. “So Millie, what’s there to do for fun around here anyway? I'm bored,” said Angel. “This town isn’t too big on fun. The only place I can think of is the bowling alley. That gets real wild on late night,” Millie replied. “Wild huh? I think I’ll manage,” said Angel, as they finally reached his room. After Angel set up and put his things away, he redid his make up and went out to the bowling alley that night.

Two guys were sitting at a table in the bowling alley, and one was checking his phone. “Damnit why don’t I have any fucking followers?” he muttered. “It’s cause you’re a pain in the ass, Sev,” the other replied. “Shut up, Travis. I don’t see anyone dying to be around you,” Seviathan replied. Just then, Angel walked in and looked around, then sat at the bar on his own. “Well look at what just walked in,” Travis muttered, staring at Angel. Angel didn’t notice their staring, but he did notice a short, blonde waitress walk by. “Hey, can I get a Bloody Mary?” he asked. The girl looked him over and attempted to smile sweetly. “Sorry, but no hard liquor served passed eight o'clock. Do you want a virgin?” she asked. “Hm...maybe, but I’ll have a couple of drinks first,” Angel replied. The waitress nodded awkwardly and walked off. As soon as she did, Seviathan and Travis took their drinks and sat on each side of Angel. “Hello there, babe. I have something to show you,” Seviathan grinned. “Sorry pal, I left my magnifying glass at home,” Angel replied, as he rolled his eyes. Travis chuckled and smirked at Angel. “Hey, that’s pretty funny. So how about I fuck you till you can’t walk?” he asked. Angel rolled his eyes again, then he smiled sweetly and picked up both of their drinks, pouring the beer onto their laps. 

The two got up and glared down at him. “I bet you thought that was fucking funny, didn’t you?” Travis asked. “Oh yeah, for sure,” smiled Angel. “Yeah, well I bet you’ll enjoy this too,” Seviathan said, before licking Angel’s cheek. “Hey! Fuck off, ya bastard!” Angel shouted, as he got up and slapped Seviathan across the face. Travis grabbed Angel by the waist to restrain him, when suddenly, a tall man with black hair and sideburns ran over and punched Travis in the face, causing him to fall to the ground and let Angel go. The man punched Seviathan too, and so both of them were down. “My name’s Angel Dust. But ya can call me tonight,” Angel said, smiling up at the man who saved him. “I’m Husk. Husker Wilkinson. Good to meet you,” he replied. 

Just then, the blonde waitress came running over. “Look at this mess! Who’s gonna pay for it?” she asked. “It’s fine, Mimzy, I got it,” replied Husk. “Husk, you don’t have to do that! Especially since it was this cheap, little, Ru Paul reject’s fault,” Mimzy said, glaring at Angel. “Cheap?! Who ya calling cheap? What’s that perfume ya wearing, babe? Bug spray?” he asked. “Look, I don’t know where you came from, but I suggest you go right back if you know what’s good for you,” Mimzy continued. She tried to intimidate Angel, but they were about the same height, plus she was adorable when she was mad. “Okay babe, have fun with that,” he smiled. “We better go,” Husk said, as Angel nodded. The two of them left, and Mimzy watched; defeated and slightly pissed.

“So, what brought you to Falwell?” Husk asked, as he and Angel started walking down the street. “My car,” Angel answered, smiling at his own joke. “Okay, actually I’m here for the reading of my long lost sister Molly’s will,” he continued. “Molly Giuliani? Huh, I can see the resemblance,” said Husk. “Twins. It surprised me too,” Angel replied. “I didn’t know her personally, but I definitely admired her. She did whatever she wanted, no matter what any fucker in this town said. See the local radio host, this bastard named Alastor, pretty much refuses to let anyone in Falwell have any fun,” Husk explained. “Oh a bunch of assholes, are they?” asked Angel. “Yep, they’re the worst,” the taller man nodded, before he paused. 

“I mean, I just run the movie theatre,” he continued. “Oh no way! I’m in movies too! Have ya ever shown ‘I Married Satan?’ It’s a classic,” Angel smiled. “Nope,” Husk replied. “Ah fuck. What about the sequel? ‘I Married Satan Two’?” asked Angel. “Nope. I can only show fucking G rated shit,” Husk answered. “Oh. I mean, there ain’t nothing wrong with G rated movies. Y’know, as long as there’s a lot of sex and violence. Hey listen, Husk, I’m only gonna be in town for a couple a days, and I would love to squeeze ya into my schedule,” smiled Angel. “Huh. That’d be nice,” Husk said. Angel shut his eyes and leaned in to kiss him, but once he opened his eyes, Husk was already in his car. The taller man waved at Angel before driving away. “Huh. Not a bad first day,” Angel shrugged, before heading back to the motel.


	3. Chapter 3

The next day, in the attorney’s office, Mr. Pentious sat in his desk as everyone gathered for the reading of Molly’s will. Her housekeeper, a tall woman named Rosie, her driver, a pale man named Franklin, and her brother, a tall, dark haired man named Adriano, although he usually went by Arackniss. “Okay, we’re all here. Pen, can ya start with the reading already?” Arackniss asked. “Well your sister asked that all of her relatives be here for the reading,” Pentious answered. “Yeah, and that’s me. Now get to it,” replied Arackniss. “Well apparently the two of you had a long lost brother, one named Anthony,” the attorney explained. “That’s bullshit. I woulda known if I had another sibling. Who is this Anthony fucker?” Arackniss asked. 

Just then Angel swung open the door and stepped inside. “Hey everyone! Sorry I’m late. Hey! I like your jacket, hot stuff. Hey is there a bathroom anywhere? The toilets back at the Cozy Cot look like a failed lab experiment,” he said. “Are you...Anthony Giuliani?” Pentious asked, as everyone stared at the feminine man. “Yeah! Only I go by Angel Dust now. Hi!” he said, smiling at Arackniss, who was completely dumbstruck. “Alright...Angel. This is your older brother, Adriano. Or as he prefers, Arackniss,” Pentious explained. “I got a brother too?! Great to meet ya, Nissy!” Angel smiled, pulling Arackniss into a hug. “Pentious? Can ya fuckin read the will now?” he asked, just as Angel let him go. “Yeah really! Let’s do it before someone else dies,” Angel said, as Pentious nodded and got out the will.

“‘This is the only last will and testament of the deceased; Molly Giuliani. To my housekeeper, Rosie, for years of loyalty and devotion, I leave my silver tea set and five thousand dollars. To Franklin, my driver, I leave my car and five thousand dollars’,” the attorney read. “Holy shit! Ten grand for the help?! She really musta been loaded! Um, I mean….dear Molly really was generous. What’d I get?” Angel asked, trying not to seem excited. “‘To my twin brother, Anthony, I leave my house, my pig, Mortimer, and my beloved book of recipes’,” Pentious read, as Arackniss cursed under his breath. “That’s it? A house, a pig, and a book?” Angel asked. “Apparently so. ‘And finally, to my older brother, Adriano, I leave the rest of my estate and holdings. Which is nothing’,” Pentious finished. “This bitch,” Arackniss muttered.

After the reading, Seviathan, Travis, and Arackniss were in the car together. “I still don’t get this. Why do you care so much about a recipe book?” Seviathan asked. “That book is the most fucking important thing in the family, and it should belong to me! I need it,” Arackniss answered. Meanwhile, Angel had gotten his bags from the motel, and was on his way back to the office so Pentious could bring him to the house. “Just what I need, a house. I need a house in Falwell like I need men’s clothes. I can’t live here! I’ll go fucking insane!” Angel shouted, just as a car pulled up next to him. The window rolled down, and Arackniss was sitting there. “Need a lift?” he asked. “Fuck off perv, I’m not in the mood,” Angel said, before looking to see who it was. “Oh! Hi, Nissy!” he smiled. “Yeah, hey. I wanted to say sorry about how I acted in the office. Ya appearance was….a little shocking to me,” Arackniss said, “Eh, it’s fine. My appearance is kinda a shock to everybody,” replied Angel. 

“Uh Huh. Anyway, ya might’ve guessed that Molls and I weren’t on the best terms,” Arackniss explained. “I figured. Ya really got the shaft. Hey! I’ll totally share my inheritance with ya!” Angel smiled. “Ya would do that? Cause I wouldn’t mind getting that recipe book, Y’know, for sentimental reasons. Hell, I’d be happy to pay ya. Fifty dollars good?” Arackniss asked. “Yeah no problem, I’d do it for fifty bucks. Nissy, ya got ya self a deal. That Pentious guy is gonna bring me over to the house, so ya can pick it up there later,” said Angel. “Great, I’ll see ya there, Angel,” Arackniss smiled, before Angel waved and walked off. 

Arackniss eventually parked by his house, and as soon as he got out, he happened to run into Alastor. “Arackniss! Hello, my good man! Long time no see!” the radio host smiled. “Oh hey, Alastor. How’s everything at the station?” Arackniss asked. “Just brilliant! I’d like to thank you for that donation you made; running the place doesn’t come cheap. Oh, on the subject of cheap, did you meet that Angel Dust fellow?” asked Alastor. “Yep. He just so happens to be my brother. Don’t worry, I wanna get rid of him as much as ya do,” Arackniss answered. “Your brother?! Goodness, I feel sorry for you! All it takes is one person as provocative as him, and then they’ll be teaching sexual education in the schools and handing out condoms to kindergartners,” said Alastor. “Just trust me, Al. He won’t be with us long,” Arackniss smiled, and Alastor smiled back. “Good. Well I’ll be off, my work is never done. Farewell!” he said, before leaving.

Meanwhile, Angel and Pentious arrived at an old decrepit house. “Oh please say it ain’t so,” Angel muttered. “This is your sister’s old house,” Pentious said. “Yep, I was afraid ya were gonna say that,” sighed Angel, as they went inside. “What a dump!” Angel said, looking around. “Yes, the house needs a little something,” Pentious nodded. “Like a wrecking ball,” said Angel. Suddenly, a small pig ran into the room, oinking excitedly by Angel’s feet. “I think Mortimer likes you,” Pentious said. “Awww, he’s a cute little thing,” smiled Angel, as he picked up the pig. Pentious brought over a book and placed it on the table beside Angel. “And finally, this is Molly’s recipe book,” he said, motioning to it. “Some inheritance. Well, at least I’m getting fifty bucks for it. Hey Penny, how much ya think I can get for the house?” Angel asked. “For one, please don’t call me that. And even though the house is in disrepair, it’s still in a prime location. You could probably get….seventy thousand for it. Maybe more if it were fixed up. Are you interested in selling?” the attorney asked. “Does a cat have a pussy? Course I am!” exclaimed Angel. 

Pentious nodded awkwardly and left, and Angel looked down at the pig in his arms. “Y’know, Mortimer isn't a really good name. What am I gonna call ya?” Angel wondered, as he placed the pig on the floor. “I got it! Fat Nuggets! Ya like that?” Angel asked, as the pig oinked excitedly. “Good, now I’m gonna freshen up for when Nissy gets here. Be good for daddy,” Angel smiled, as he went off to the bathroom. Fat Nuggets oinked, then he took the recipe book and put it in the couch cushions. Soon, Angel heard knocking and hurried to get the door. He opened it up and smiled at Arackniss on the other side. “Hi, Nissy! Ya here for the book right? Come on in! Can I get ya a drink or some shit?” Angel asked, as his brother walked in. “No thanks, Angel. I don’t wanna put ya through any trouble,” answered Arackniss. “Huh, good point. C’mon,” Angel said, leading him further inside. “I can’t stay long anyway. I got shit to do,” Arackniss said, as he looked around. 

“Hey Nissy, ya wouldn’t wanna buy a house, would ya?” Angel asked. “No thanks,” answered Arakniss. “I’ll sell it to ya cheap!” exclaimed Angel. “I’m good,” Arackniss replied. “C’mon, they don’t make houses like this anymore! Look at that detail! Look at that craftsmanship! Don’t look at those loose floorboards. What would ya pay for a house like this? Don’t answer! Cause ya don’t only get a house! If ya act right now, ya get all this great furniture! Now what would ya pay?” Angel smiled. “Nothing! I just want the book!” Arackniss shouted. “Okay okay, don’t get ya panties in a bunch,” said Angel, as they walked to the living room. “That’s weird. I swear the book was just on that table,” he muttered. “Ya swore ya would get me that book,” said Arackniss. “Relax. Couldn’t have just walked away. I’m sure it’ll turn up, and when it does, I’ll give ya a call,” Angel said. “Right! Sorry about that, Angel. Shit’s been hard lately,” Arackniss said. Angel nodded, then Fat Nuggets ran over and started to oink aggressively. “Little guy thinks he’s a mountain lion,” smiled Angel. 

Later that night, Angel was alone again, dying his hair. It was naturally black, but recently it started turning white. Since he was only in his thirties, he assumed it was because of stress or something, but he never could quite figure out why it happened. After dying it black again, he changed into a lace nightgown and sat on the bed, which was incredibly squeaky. “Good thing I ain’t gonna be here long. Neighbors would never get any sleep,” he muttered. Not long after, he lied down and fell asleep. 

He had been sleeping for a few hours, when suddenly a voice called out to him. “Anthony?” it called, waking him up. It was a voice he’d never heard before. It was a woman’s voice, and it sounded incredibly sweet and loving. Angel grabbed a flashlight and went to follow the voice. “Anthony,” it called again.Angel followed the sound up the stairs, and he stopped just outside the attic door. “Anthony,” it called. He took a deep breath and opened the door; stepping into the dark attic. Angel looked around but didn’t see anyone, but when he looked in the mirror, he saw a ghostly girl that looked exactly like him. “OH HOLY FUCK,” he yelled, before screaming at the top of his lungs. 

Then Angel actually woke up. “What a nightmare…” he muttered, before noticing Fat Nuggets on the floor. “C’mere, ya get to sleep with me,” he said, picking the pig up and bringing him to the bed. So far, Fat Nuggets was the best thing about the inheritance. Angel just tried to forget about his dream and go back to sleep. It felt like ages, but he eventually did.


	4. Chapter 4

The next day, Angel was drinking coffee on the porch when Baxter and Moxxie walked over, bringing lots of tools. “Oh hey, boys. Whatcha doin?” Angel asked. “We heard you were moving in. We wanna help you fix up the place!” Moxxie smiled. “Really? Okay, if ya want! Lemme get changed and we can get to it,” Angel smiled. Moments later, he came back out in his trademark black dress. “Alright, let’s get to work!” he said. The three of them started working, with Angel currently scrubbing something off the porch, his ass in the air. That caused two more teenage boys to come over. Baxter talked with them, then turned back to Angel. “Hey Angel! We have more volunteers,” he said, as Angel turned to look at the boys. “Great! Grab a tool and start banging,” he smiled, before getting back to work. As they worked, Millie came over and smiled. “Hi, Angel!” she said. “Hey there, Mills! Come on in,” Angel replied, as Millie nodded and got some tools. Pretty soon every teenager in Falwell was helping with the house. 

Just then, Katie and Tom happened to walk by carrying groceries. “Millie! Come here right now!” Katie shouted, going over and pulling Millie away. “Aw damn it,” Millie muttered. “What did you say to me?!” Katie asked. “Nothing!” Millie replied. “That’s what I fucking thought, bitch,” Katie said, as she, Tom, and Millie walked off. “Millie! Millie! Fuck you too, Katie!” Angel shouted, flipping her off. Everyone got back to work on painting the house, and soon enough it was finished. It was multicolored, bright, and looked like the sort of thing a kid would do in a coloring book. “It’s fabulous!” Angel exclaimed. 

Later that day, a few people met at the town hall to discuss incredibly important issues. “And there Millie was! Was that slutty little drag queen! He was out there wearing next to nothing!” Katie exclaimed. “I’d say it was next to plenty,” Tom muttered. “It wasn’t just Millie either! He had all the teenagers in town, at his filthy house, giving it an awful paint job!” she continued. The principal, a blonde man named Lucifer, sighed. “That’s it! Henceforth, I’ll give an immediate expulsion to any students found in the company of that...whore,” he said. “Now now, ladies and gentlemen we don’t need to stoop to such petty insults,” Alastor said, as the others turned to him. “What we’re all trying to say, is that Angel Dust is a person of...hm….easy virtue. He’s simple minded, easily entertained, as probably slept with more men than we even have in our town. He’s a dirty, slimy monster. A concubine, a street walker, a cheap whore! And believe me, ladies and gentlemen, if I had my way, I would tear him a new asshole bigger than any dick he had ever taken in!” shouted Alastor, as everyone stared at him. 

“He won’t be here much longer. He’s planning on selling the property. An open house is planned for tomorrow,” said Lucifer’s wife, Lilith. “What if he decides not to sell? What if he ends up moving in permanently?!” asked Lucifer. “Well, if you ask me, since the boy brings chaos and destruction wherever he goes, we should be able to see to it that he leaves this town immediately,” Alastor explained. “Maybe we aren’t being fair about this,” Tom said. “Shut up, Tom!” yelled Katie. “Then it’s unanimous. He won’t know what hit him,” Alastor grinned.

The next day, Angel had a real estate agent come to look at the house. He got the door for him; a tall man with silvery hair and pink heart sunglasses. “Hi! Ya the real estate agent, right?” Angel asked. “Yes, Valentino of Farriman and Sons. Pleasure to meet you,” he grinned, stepping inside. “I’m glad ya here! I’ve been holding open house goin on all day, and nobody came by yet,” said Angel, as he shut the door and followed him. “Well that’s an awful shame. I know some wealthy investors who’d be willing to pay big money for a place like this. That is….if you play your cards right,” Valentino said, looking over at Angel. “Trust me, mister, I’d do ANYTHING to get rid of this shithole.” the shorter man replied. “That’s what I like; a motivated seller,” Valentino smirked, as he kept looking around the house. “It’s all a matter of technique. For starters, let’s try to set the right mood, shall we?” he said, before closing the curtains. “Good idea! I mean the less they see, the better,” Angel nodded, as he went to close some too. “Then it’s only a matter of getting….close to the buyer,” Valentino added, going over to Angel. “You need to show them everything. Every nook and cranny,” he grinned, causing Angel to back up slightly. “And reveal everything! From the balcony to the basement. And I notice you kept all the furniture here covered. That won’t do at all. I want to see everything,” Valentino purred, as Angel reached the back of the sofa, with nowhere else to go. “And soon….soon he’s ready to burst! He needs this just as much as you do! So he POUNCES AT THE OPPORTUNITY!” Vox shouted, before literally pouncing on Angel, with the two falling over the sofa. 

The next thing Valentino knew, Angel shoved him out and slammed the door. “You’ll be sorry! You’ll never sell this filthy place without me!” the real estate agent shouted, as he stormed down the street. “JUST CAUSE THIS HOUSE IS UP FOR GRABS DOESN'T MEAN I AM, MOTHERFUCKER!” Angel shouted, flipping him off from the window. As soon as Valentino was gone, Angel and Fat Nuggets sat on the porch, waiting for potential buyers. Unfortunately, no one showed up all day. Suddenly, Angel’s phone started ringing. “Hello?” he asked. “ANGIE ITS CHERRI. I got bad news, the Flamingo won’t shut the fuck up. They want that money and they want it now,” she said. “Cherri, it’s okay! I’ll come up with the money. Fuck, I was six inches away from selling the house today. But I got a new plan! I’m gonna get a job! Isn’t that great?” Angel asked, as Cherri sighed. “Good luck, Angie. I’m rooting for you. I’ll call you with any updates,” she said. “Thanks, sugar tits. See ya soon,” replied Angel, before the two hung up.

The next day, Angel set out to look for a job, but for some odd reason, every place he went rejected him. That was because Alastor found out about this and deliberately told everyone not to hire him. While he was out, Seviathan and Travis snuck into his house, to look for the book. “Found anything yet?” Seviathan asked. “Oh yeah! There’s no book upstairs, but I found this lingerie. Try some, they’re edible,” Travis grinned, as he handed a set to Seviathan. “Put that away! We don’t want him to know we were here! Maybe we can take just one set. Anyway, keep looking! We need to find that book,” Seviathan said. Suddenly, they saw a massive shadow and heard aggressive oinking. The two hurried and ran away, without the book. As soon as they were gone, Fat Nuggets scurried into the room and oinked at the door.

They had hurried to Arackniss’s house so they could tell him exactly what had happened. “That’s all ya got? Fuckin excuses?” he asked. “We turned the place inside out,” Travis shrugged. “Yeah! And there was this….wild boar or some shit! It had to have been fucking HUGE!” Seviathan explained. “Could ya please shut the fuck up!?” shouted Arackniss. “Now listen closely, I want the two of ya to go to the courthouse, pick up some records, and bring them back to me. Capiche?” he asked, before his lackeys nodded. “Yeah, for sure,” Travis replied. “Good. This is what I need,” Arackniss said, as he handed Seviathan a paper. “Now get the fuck outta my sight,” he finished. The two nodded again, and hurried out to do his dirty work.


	5. Chapter 5

Angel spent the day looking for a job, and didn’t get hired anywhere. He ended up making his way to the movie theatre, and a plastic letter was dropped on his head. “Shit!” he yelled. “Oh fuck! Sorry Angel,” Husk called from a ladder. He was holding more letters, adjusting the theatre’s sign. “You okay?” he asked, climbing down. “Yeah, I think I am,” answered Angel. “How’s your head?” Husk asked. “Eh, I haven’t had any complaints yet,” Angel shrugged. “What?” asked Husk. “Oh, never mind. Nah, this isn’t the worst thing that’s happened to me today. I went to every place in this damn town and nobody’ll give me a job! It’s like a conspiracy or some shit,” Angel replied. “Well….it sorta is. That shithead, Alastor? He got the whole fucking town turned against you,” Husk said. “Great, so now nobody is gonna hire me, and I’m completely broke!” Angel groaned. “Listen Angel, I’d hire you if I could, but I’m fucking poor myself,” said Husk. “No offense, Husky, but I ain’t surprised. Who wants to pay to watch some weird ass kiddie shit? Plus...ya kinda screwed up ya sign. Put an extra ‘e’ in ‘matine’,” Angel explained. 

“That’s how you fucking spell it,” Husk replied. “Husky, baby, I'm in show business. I think I know how to spell ‘matine’,” Angel said, as he started climbing the ladder. After he took down the extra letter, Angel slipped and fell straight into the taller man’s arms. “You PROBABLY shouldn’t fuck around up there,” Husk said. “Yeah, yeah I got it,” Angel nodded, as Husk put him down. “Oh Husky, how could I ever repay ya? Here, let me try,” Angel smiled, as he kissed him on the cheek, particularly close to his lips. “You bitch!” shouted a voice. The two turned and saw that Mimzy watched the whole thing. The blonde ran off before either of them could say anything. “I guess I better get back to work. The showing is gonna start soon,” said Husk. “Yeah, I can see the crowds lining up now. Husky, baby, ya gonna go broke showing this shit!” Angel exclaimed. “Well what do you think?” Husk asked. “Lucky for ya, I got some classic films in the trunk of my car! As a matter of fact….,” Angel started, an idea forming in his mind. 

Elsewhere, Arackniss watched the whole scene from his window. He opened a secret compartment in his book case, which led to a hidden room. Once in this room, he slipped on a red robe and uttered a spell. “La shaime richba achme ren. Sommo rhecto habbas morrai,” he said. As soon as he finished, he had two extra arms, grey fur, more eyes, and was at least a foot shorter. “He who holds the book of sight, when the moon is drained of all its light, will then be ruler of the night! Master of the Dark! And he will eclipse Molly. It’s less than a week away. When the moon is drained of all its light,” he chanted. Suddenly, his furniture started shaking, and an eerie wind blew. “There’s nothing ya can do, Molls! Ya dead, and I’m not!” Arackniss yelled, before laughing wickedly. 

Meanwhile, Millie, Moxxie, Baxter, and some other teens were at the bowling alley, when Angel threw open the doors and smiled at them. “There ya all are! I’ve been lookin all over! Ya won't believe the good news! I’m gonna host a special midnight screening, at Husk’s theatre, of one of the worst movies ever made! I mean it is BAD. So, ya guys wanna come?” he asked, but no one said a word. “Hello? C’mon, can any of ya hear me? Just yesterday we were pals! What’s up?” Angel asked. “It’s the principal,” Millie sighed. “Damn straight it’s the principle; friends outta stick together,” said Angel. “No, the principal Mr. Magne,” Millie explained. “He’d kill us if we went to your show. Not to mention our parents,” Baxter said. “He’d kill ya parents too?!” Angel asked. “No, our parents would never let us be out until midnight,” answered Moxxie.

“Oh. Yeah I get it. Last thing I wanna do is get all of ya into trouble. I mean….sure it might blow my only chance of making a living, but hey, shit happens. I just might go down in smoke, but it’ll work out! Who knows? Say, if anybody asks about me, tell em I was more than just a pretty face. I was also a hella nice pair of legs. And tell em I never turned down a friend! Actually, I hardly turned down a stranger for that matter. And tell em that when all was said and done, I only ask that people remember me by two simple words. Any two: long as they’re simple,” Angel said, before sitting at a table and crying. “I don’t know about the rest of you, but I’ll be there,” Millie said. “I’m going too,” Moxxie nodded. “Sure! I have no life,” said Baxter. Many of the other teens nodded in agreement. “We’re sorry, Angel. We’ll all go to the show,” Moxxie said, as Angel stopped crying and smiled. “Great! Twelve o'clock sharp. I’ll see ya there!” he said, before walking out. Unknown to them, Mimzy heard the whole thing.

That night, all of the teens sneaked to the movie theatre. At the same time they did, Mimzy also made her way to the theatre, sneaking in a back entrance. Inside, Angel and the others were setting up for the dance number he planned for the night. “Angel? Where do you want this?” Baxter asked, holding a bucket. “Right up there!” Angel smiled, as Baxter nodded and went to put it away. “Why the hell do you need a bucket?” Husk asked. “It’s so cool! I ripped it off of ‘Flashdance’. I reach out, pull the rope, and my whole body is covered in pink glitter!” answered Angel. “Damn, that actually does sound pretty great,” Husk smiled. “I know, right?!” Angel replied, as the two walked off to get more ready. As soon as they were gone, Mimzy came out of hiding and smiled up at the bucket. “Interesting,” she muttered. 

Soon the movie started, and a huge crowd was watching and laughing. As soon as it ended, Angel walked on stage smiling. “Don’t look now, ladies and gents, but our show ain’t over yet! It’s time for the grand finale!” he exclaimed. He started the music, and ripped off the skirt of his dress, leaving him in a low cut leotard. He started dancing, and the crowd went wild. After a while, he sat in the chair, leaned back, and pulled the rope. However, instead of being covered in pink glitter, Angel found himself drenched in mud. The music cut, and he started trying to wipe the mud from his face. He heard giggling from above, and looked up to see Mimzy smiling. “Ya fuckin bitch!” he shouted, but she just smiled and laughed. 

Angel headed home not long after. Husk had come with him, and Millie and Moxxie came along too. Right now, the three guests were watching a movie in the living room while Angel took a bath. “I’d never been so humiliated in my whole fuckin life! Just wait till I get my hands on Mimzy. I am gonna rip every single hair outta her scalp, gauge out her eyes, and use her head like a damn bowling ball! And that motherfuckin prude Alastor kept me from gettin a job! I’ll show that asshat. Then that pervy real estate bastard keepin me from sellin! That dumbass principal turnin all the kids against me!” he ranted. He finished up cleaning and got out of the tub to dye his hair again; between the mud and the shower, the black dye started to fade away. As he dyed it, he kept ranting. “They’re all gonna fuckin pay! I’ll make this town sorry if it’s the last thing I do!”


	6. Chapter 6

After cleaning up, Angel went back down to the living room, where Husk, Millie, and Moxxie were still watching a movie. “What’s that perfume you got on?” Husk asked, looking at Angel. “Super unleaded. Nobody smoke,” he answered, sitting down with the others. “Well, so much for my big opening,” Angel sighed. He was surprised when Husk put an arm around him, but then a smirk broke out on his face. “Don’t the two of ya think it’s past ya bedtime?” he asked, looking at the two teens. “Oh hell no! I’m not tire-,” Millie started, before Moxxie covered her mouth. “I mean...it is getting pretty um...late,” he said, as he got up. “Oh yeah, true! I guess we better be going,” Millie nodded, as she followed him. “I’ll see the two of ya tomorrow!” said Angel. “Alright! Cmon, Moxxie. You can walk me home,” Millie smiled. Moxxie blushed and held her hand, then they left Angel and Husk alone.

Now Husk and Angel were sitting and watching movies, on opposite ends of the sofa. The two turned their heads to look at one another. Angel was smirking and sitting seductively, and Husk was just trying to find out what to make of that. Angel moved closer to him, but when he did, he felt something in the couch cushions. “What the fuck?” he muttered, pulling it out. “Well here’s the fuckin recipe book! How'd it get there?” Angel wondered. But the shorter man shrugged, put it on the floor, and practically pounced onto Husk. “Uhhh that reminds me, I’m starving!” he said. “Hmmm me too,” Angel purred, playing around with Husk’s shirt collar. “Let’s go get something to eat! I know an all night place in the next town over that has great sandwiches and booze!” said Husk. “Awww no, Husky. I got a better idea. Why don’t ya go and set the table, and I’ll try makin something outta that book?” Angel asked. “Um….yeah sure ok,” Husk nodded. Angel smirked, took the book, and went off to the kitchen. 

Pretty soon, Angel was flipping through the recipe book, with a pink apron tied over his black dress. “Geez, Molly had shitty handwriting. I can’t understand a word of this. Looks like it was written in some kinda foreign language….” Angel muttered, as he kept turning pages. “Oh! What’s this? ‘Adrocca Coserole’. I’m gonna go out on a limb and say she meant ‘casserole’. Yeah I can make that! Okay, what’s it say here? ‘One edrozeeba’. Wonder where she kept that?” Angel muttered, as he went to look in the pantry. He added in the rest of the ingredients, and soon his dish was on the stove. It was a sickening orange and green color, but Angel finished up stirring and smiled. “Well, it doesn’t smell too bad! Just looks like absolute shit,” he muttered. Then he got a brilliant idea. Angel grabbed a can of squirt cheese, and covered the top with it. “There! Now it’s done!” he said, before taking off his apron, putting a lid on the pot, and carrying it out to the dining room. 

“It’s done!” Angel smiled, as he placed it on the table. “Holy shit that actually smells good. What is it?” asked Husk. “Just a little something I….conjured up,” Angel smirked. “Uh Huh,” the taller man nodded, as he and Angel sat down. “Well, I hope ya hungry!” Angel smiled, as he pulled the lid off the dish. When he did, a lizard monster sprung out and started hissing at them. Angel screamed and tried to hit it with the lid, and Husk took off one of his shoes and tried beating it. Angel managed to put the lid back on, with the monster struggling to get back out, and the two carried the pot into the kitchen. Husk dumped the pot in the sink, and Angel turned on the garbage disposal, sending the monster down the drain. “Where the fuck did you  
learn how to cook?!” Husk asked, turning to Angel. “I didn’t! I just followed the directions in my sister’s book,” Angel replied. He looked on the table, and saw Fat Nuggets holding the book in his mouth. “Nuggets, give daddy the book,” said Angel. Fat Nuggets just hopped off the table and carried the book out of the room. “Nuggets!” Angel called, as he and Husk followed the pig. 

Fat Nuggets ran up the stairs, with the two men behind him. “Fat Nuggets, ya better give that book back or I’m grounding ya for a week!” Angel shouted. They followed him to the top of the stairs, and stopped when they saw a door, that Angel recognized as the one from his dream. “Deja vu,” he muttered. He cautiously turned the handle, then he and Husk stepped inside. They looked around the dark attic, and saw Fat Nuggets sitting on a truck. “Nuggets! Bad pig, bad boy,” Angel scolded, as he hopped off of the trunk. “What’s in here anyway?” muttered Angel, as he slowly opened the lid. The trunk was filled with strange relics, then they noticed a letter with the word ‘Anthony’ written on it. “What’s that?” Husk asked. “No idea…” Angel muttered, as he opened the letter. 

“‘Dear Anthony, for all these years, you’ve probably gone without knowing the truth, but it’s about time somebody told you. Our pops, Henroin, was a powerful man. He was the true Master of the Dark. Our family is one of powerful magic users, who even have spider forms we can turn into. Anyway, Pop’s magic went unchallenged, but as we got older, Adriano thought he deserved the title and the power. He and Pops were gonna have a duel, but before going out, Pops told me some news. That I had a twin brother who got sent away as a baby, since when magic users have twins, usually only one gets power. It seemed like I had magic, and not you, so Pops sent you to an orphanage. He said he gave you his special ring, that would protect you no matter what. Then he gave me his most trusted familiar, plus his book, and told me to protect it from our brother. Then Pops and Adriano had their duel, and our dad ended up dying. After he had told me about you, I spent my whole life trying to find you. Then I saw your show. I saw you, I saw the ring. I knew you were my brother. Protect the book, Anthony. Keep it from Arackniss. I don’t care what pops thought; you hold the power with you. I know it. With love, Molly’,” Angel read. 

“Holy shit. I knew I was different, but didn’t think I was THAT different. No wonder Nissy got so pissed when I couldn’t find the book,” Angel said. “And you heard what your sister said, he can’t get it,” Husk said. “No way he’s getting it now. I mean, here I am, trying to make a living as a horror movie host, when I’m actually the descendant of some frickin witch family! Hey….I never turned into a cool spider thing!” Angel exclaimed. “Maybe...maybe your magic isn’t strong enough or some shit? I dunno. The letter said ‘a familiar’. What the fuck is that?” Husk asked. “Haven’t ya seen the movies? It’s a pet that can change into anything; most witches have them,” answered Angel, as he looked through the book. “I just gotta find the right spell, and I can make the money I need for Vegas! Literally,” he grinned. “Angel, I don’t think you should fuck around with that book. Your sister said it was powerful shit,” Husk said. 

“Found one! ‘Selzberiki Mula!’ That’s what I need, Husky! Lots of mula! Ok ok, ‘Selzberiki Mula sheen, pasera, rocka, kensrap flow!’” Angel read. Just then, a snake appeared in Angel’s arms. He screamed and threw it out the window, then ran to hug Husk. “I fucking hate snakes. Hold me, Husk,” Angel said. “Okay. It’s okay, it’s gone. Just be careful with that book, okay?” Husk asked. “Okay,” Angel nodded. “Okay,” Husk replied. He paused for a moment, then he kissed the shorter man on the lips. Angel was surprised, but he kissed him back. “Wanna take it a little...further?” Angel whispered, pulling away after what felt like a few minutes. “Just this one time,” Husk said. Angel grinned, then turned out the attic light.


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warning: this chapter includes the cringiest, strangest, most uncomfortable part of the movie. And I made it worse. You have been warned

The next day was a community potluck, hosted by Alastor. Most of the town was there, and a live band was playing music. “I must say Alastor, your potluck is going splendidly,” Lucifer smiled. “Why thank you, my good man! Yes, I believe it’s something we can all be proud of,” the radio host replied. While no one was paying attention, Angel ran over to the table and placed a pot of his ‘Adrocca Coserole’ amongst the other dishes, before running off. He smiled as everyone lined up to get food. “It all looks very good! Well mostly, some of these don’t look particularly good. But it’s the thought that counts!” Alastor smiled.

Angel watched from the bushes, anxious to see if anyone would open his pot, when Husk walked over to him. “What are you doing?” Husk asked. “Let’s just say, I’m makin shit even,” Angel grinned. “Oh shit you didn’t…” Husk started. “I did! C’mon, it’s a potluck. When they open that pot, they’ll need all the luck they can get,” replied Angel. Alastor finally noticed the pot sitting on the table. “Hm, I wonder what this could be?” he muttered, as he went to open the lid. But to Angel and Husk’s surprise, when Alastor took off the lid, no monster jumped out. It was completely ordinary. “What the hell happened?” Angel asked. “Well, it looks awful, but it certainly beats the Magnes’ apple turnovers,” Alastor muttered, as he took a spoonful of Angel’s dish. “Oh shit! I probably fucked it up when I substituted the felemgrab with some hamburger helper,” said Angel. “Yep, that probably did it,” Husk nodded.

Soon, every person in line had taken some of Angel’s dish. People seemed to love it. Then Alastor looked up from his plate. “Hm...anyone else feel a little odd?” he asked, before he looked at Lucifer sitting across from him. “Suddenly it’s very warm,” the radio host smirked. Tom and Mimzy were sitting across from one another, and Tom picked up a sausage and grinned at her. “Remind you of anything?” he asked. Mimzy responded by picking up a taco shell and putting the sausage into it. “Remind you of anything?” she asked, before winking and biting into it. Alastor had moved next to Lucifer and smiled at him. “You know, Luci. I may not like your apple turnovers, but I’d happily let you turn me over any day,” he purred. “Well I’d love to take you up on that. Give me that Cajun sausage of yours, daddy,” said Lucifer, before he and Alastor proceeded to make out. Lilith didn’t care; she was too busy sexually licking ketchup off of Katie’s ear.

The band started playing more upbeat music, and Angel and Husk watched in horror at what was unfolding. Everyone was making out or dancing, and a few people started to strip. Angel and Husk ran out from their hiding places, when Tom ran over to Husk and held his hands. “C’mon, babe, let’s dance!” Tom exclaimed, pulling Husk out to dance with him. While Angel was watching and trying to figure out what to do, he didn’t notice Arackniss come up behind him. “That must’ve been a helluva dish. Where’d ya learn to make it?” he asked. “Oh! Y’know, it’s just an old family recipe,” answered Angel, looking back at the crowd. “Okay, I’ll give ya five hundred bucks for the book,” Arackniss said. ”What? Do ya think I was born yesterday? The deal's off, Nissy,” Angel replied. “Ya think ya so fuckin smart, Huh? I’m gonna get ya. And ya pig too!” Arackniss shouted, before driving off. 

When Angel looked back at the crowd, Mimzy had Husk caught in a tight embrace. “Help,” Husk whispered, looking at Angel. the shorter man ran over and tried to pull the couple apart. “Oh you. Do you always wear the same dress?” Mimzy asked. “Nah, sometimes I like to wear something low cut and sexy,” replied Angel. “Can’t imagine why; not like you have anything to show off,” Mimzy said, before pushing the man away. Mimzy went to kiss Husk, but Angel got up and shoved her away. When she fell, Mimzy’s blouse got stuck on a picnic table, and ripped right off. After it fell, Angel looked and saw that it was padded. “What was that ya said about having nothing to show off?” he smirked, as Husk and a few other people laughed. 

A few hours later, the spell had worn off, and everyone was gathered in the courtroom. “You all saw it! He attacked me in broad daylight and had his way with me!” Alastor shouted. “Me?! I was minding my own business when you came onto me! And you could have worn out a mechanical bull!” Lucifer retorted. “How dare you, you sex addicted maniac!” yelled Alastor. “Tom was the one painting everyone with chocolate sauce! I was just an innocent on-licker!” Katie said. Soon everyone started arguing, when Arackniss walked in from the back. “Shut the fuck up! Don’t ya see? Ya playing right into his hands. It’s Angel Dust who’s responsible for all this,” he said. “Of course. I should have expected this from that little tramp,” said Alastor. 

“Don’t worry, everyone. I know just how to take care of him. We can have him arrested,” Arackniss said. “Arrested? Under what charges?” Tom asked. “Well there’s a law that dates back to the Salem trials. It forbids anybody in town from spellcasting, demonology, and alchemy. The charge, ladies and gentlemen, is witchcraft,” explained Arackniss. Soon after, Angel found himself locked in a cell with Fat Nuggets. “Let me out! LET ME OUT!” he shouted. “Shut the fuck up!” the police officer, a dark haired woman named Vaggie, yelled. “Hey I saw the ‘People’s Court’! I’m supposed to get a phone call and a strip search! Not from ya though, obviously,” Angel said, as Vaggie rolled her eyes. “Well there’s an old pay phone across the street. I doubt it still works, but you’re free to try,” she said, as Angel crossed his arms. “What’s wrong? Forgot where you put your broom?” grinned Vaggie. “Listen bitch, if I had a broom, I know exactly where I’d put it!” he returned, glaring at her. Vaggie just rolled her eyes and walked off, and Angel was still trapped in the cell.


	8. Chapter 8

Angel was pacing around the cell while Fat Nuggets sat on the bed. “Well this is fuckin great. This is EXACTLY what I needed. I can hear it now; sorry Vegas, little problem with the show. Ya star got burned at the stake,” Angel muttered, as Husk walked over to the cell. “Angel! Good news, I got you a lawyer! He’s gonna be here tomorrow morning,” he said. “That’s sweet Husky, but by tomorrow morning I’ll be able to fit in an ashtray. I gotta get outta here,” Angel groaned. “How?” Husk asked, as Angel got an idea. “The book! Run to the house and get it! It’s under the floorboard in the living room. I love ya, be safe,” Angel said. “I’ll be back before you know it. Love you too,” Husk said, before running off. By the time night fell, townspeople were starting to gather for the witch burning. As they did that, Millie, Moxxie, and Baxter made their way to the roof of the prison. They started to drill through, but figured it would take them a while. The three had to hurry; the town was already setting up the stake. 

Meanwhile, Husk was trying to find the book. After a while, he pulled up the right floorboard and took the book out. As he did, something hit him over the head, knocking him out. Travis and Arackniss stood behind him, and Arackniss grinned as he picked up the book. “It’s mine. It’s all mine!” he exclaimed. Back in the cell, Angel watched as Fat Nuggets rolled around on the floor. “Nuggs, calm the fuck down! Ya gonna be ok! Ya ain’t the one gettin burned alive. Just calm down, baby!” yelled Angel. To Angel’s amazement, Fat Nuggets shape shifted into a mouse. “Holy shit! I swear I didn’t do any drugs recently,” Angel muttered, before Fat Nuggets crawled through a hole and left the cell.

While Angel sat there, Vaggie led Charlie, a local missionary, to the cell and unlocked the door. “I’m here to save you!” the blonde smiled. “Thank fuck, finally someone who can talk some sense into those bastards,” sighed Angel. Charlie stepped in the cell and sprinkled Angel with holy water. “Heavenly Father, save this wretched creature’s soul! Even though his pasty, white skin will burn and sizzle and fry and-,” she started, before the ceiling of the adjacent cell broke, with Millie, Moxxie, and Baxter falling through. “Well, that’s certainly convenient,” Vaggie said, looking at the teenagers in the cell. “Thanks for trying, guys,” Angel sighed, as Vaggie started to lead him outside to be executed.

Back at the house, Fat Nuggets, back in pig form, ran to Husk, licking him to wake him up. “Ah! Ok ok, I’m up, I’m fine. We gotta go get Angel,” the man said, as Nuggets oinked and turned into a Doberman. “Holy shit what did I drink today?” Husk muttered, as the two ran out. Meanwhile, a crowd stood with torches, anticipating the moment Angel would get burned. Vaggie casually held out a pack of cigarettes to him. “Do you smoke?” she asked. “Guess we’re gonna find out soon,” replied Angel. Vaggie led him to the stake and quickly started to tie him up. “Any last words?” she asked. “Just one. HELP!!” Angel screamed. Vaggie got down from the podium and grabbed a torch. “And now, by the power vested in me, by the state of Massachusetts, I hereby sentence Angel Dust to death by fire!” she exclaimed. Before she could light him up, she felt someone grab her wrist. “Now wait just a moment, dear. What you’re doing is wrong,” Alastor said, as he let go of her. “Alastor?” Angel asked in disbelief. “It’ll catch faster if you light it in more places!” smiled Alastor, as he started lighting the dry hay on Angel’s podium. 

“Burn in hell, witch!” Alastor shouted. “FUCK!” yelled Angel, as the fire beneath him started climbing higher and higher. “Angel!” Husk shouted, as he ran over. He started trying to put out flames with his jacket, but it was no use. Fat Nuggets ran over too and started barking. “Nuggets!?” Angel asked, looking at the dog. Suddenly, Molly’s words came flooding back to him. “You hold the power with you,” she had said. “The ring!” exclaimed Angel. He managed to get his hand free, and did the only thing he could think of; he pointed the ring skyward. Angel was covered by a blinding pink light, and suddenly it began to rain, putting out the flames. 

The crowd ran to go someplace dry, only Husk stayed behind. When the beam of light disappeared, Angel felt different. “Huh, that was fuckin weird,” he muttered. “Holy shit,” whispered Husk. “What?” Angel asked. Husk just untied him and handed him a mirror. Angel had gotten about three feet taller, had four arms, and was covered in white fur, and his chest in particular was extremely fluffy, so for once he actually filled out his black dress. “Damn….I look good. Ha! Yes! I was hoping I’d get a badass spider form! Husky...like what ya see?” he grinned. “Um….That’s not important. Look, I have bad news, Arackniss got the book,” Husk replied. “Oh shit! We gotta get it. C’mon!” Angel exclaimed, grabbing Husk’s arm. Fat Nuggets turned back into a pig and jumped towards them, and Angel held him with two other hands. “That’s gonna come in handy,” he smiled, before he and Husk ran to find Arackniss.


	9. Chapter 9

Arackniss was walking around town, leaving a path of destruction wherever he went. “ANTHONY!” he shouted. Angel and Husk were running, but got cornered in an alleyway. “Are you fucking joking?” said a voice behind them. The two turned and saw Arackniss standing there. “You’re fucking taller?!?” he shouted, pointing at Angel. Angel had to fight the urge not to laugh. “Ya so small,” he muttered. Husk ran over to try punching Arackniss in the face, but that didn’t stop the spider. Instead Arackniss grinned and started strangling Husk. “Sic em, Nuggets!” Angel yelled, putting his pig on the ground. Fat Nuggets hurried over and tugged at Arackniss’s pants leg. Arackniss rolled his eyes and flung Husk into a wall, then picked up the pig and placed him in a dumpster. 

“I won’t hesitate! Don’t make me use this!” Angel said, holding up the ring. “Nothing can save ya now, Tony. Not even Dad’s old ring. Camazar, epsolay,” Arackniss said, before shooting a bolt of lightning at his brother. Miraculously, Angel blocked the attack with the ring. “Oh, ya wanna play rough, don’t ya? Well, take this!” Angel shouted, flicking his hand in Arackniss’s direction. Unfortunately, the ring was flung off of Angel’s finger, and Arackniss caught it. The grey spider slid it on his own finger, and Angel immediately ran off. 

Angel hurried down the street and ran into a nearby store, with Arackniss not far behind him. “Ya can’t run away, Anthony. I’m gonna destroy ya like I did Dad,” he said, looking around. Suddenly he heard a gun cock behind him. Arackniss turned and saw the white spider with his dress torn shorter, the sleeves ripped off, and he was holding a gun each hand. “Lookin for me?” Angel asked, before firing them all at Arackniss. His brother stood there, completely unharmed. “Did ya think ya could stop me with ya toys?” he asked, crossing his arms. “Nah, but I figured it’d be worth a shot,” replied Angel, before he dropped the guns and ran. 

Arackniss chased Angel through the graveyard, but was stopped for a moment after hitting his head on a tombstone, allowing Angel to run back home. He ran in and locked the door, but saw the last person he needed to see. “You got tits,” grinned Valentino, looking at the fluff on the spider’s chest. “The fuck are ya doing in my house?” Angel asked. “We have a little unfinished business, baby. Selling your house….plus getting in bed with one another,” answered Valentino, as he ran a hand along the fluff. Angel swatted his hand away just as he noticed a jar of leeches on the counter. “Okay, handsome. Cmere. I’ll show ya where it’s at,” Angel smirked, subtly reaching behind him. “That’s what I like to hear,” Valentino grinned, before Angel flung the jar into the real estate agent’s face. Valentino screamed and stumbled around, and Angel used this opportunity to push him out the door.

As soon as Valentino was gone, Angel quietly walked around the house to try getting to safety. The moment he walked past a window, Arackniss jumped through and tried to strangle him. Angel did the only thing he could think to do and cut off one of his brother’s hands. “Ah! Fuck you! I am the Master of the Dark!” Arackniss shouted. “They’ll see ya in hell first,” Angel returned, as he noticed Arackniss’s still moving hand on the ground. The grey spider started to set things on fire with his magic, when Angel noticed the hand on the ground. He picked up a heavy, brass candlestick, and started to beat the hand with it, making Arackniss cry out in pain. 

Angel managed to get the ring off of its finger and looked up to see Arackniss looking extremely angry. “And now, Anthony, you die!” he yelled, sending a bolt of lightning in Angel’s direction. The white spider used the ring to deflect it, and the blast bounced back to hit Arackniss. He exploded into a burst of green magic, leaving Angel alone in the burning house. Angel tried to get the book, but it was already surrounded by flames. “You hold the power with you,” Molly had said, her words running through Angel’s head as he escaped the house. 

The next day, Husk, Angel, and Fat Nuggets were sitting on the charred porch, with Angel back to hit normal, human self, and Husk in a cast. “So, what’d the insurance guy say?” Husk asked. “My policy doesn’t cover acts of demons,” Angel replied. “At least you still have the ring. Plus you can still turn into a spider,” said Husk. “Yeah but the only thing I can get the ring to do is look cheap. And I doubt being able to turn into a spider demon thing is gonna do much for me,” Angel sighed. “Fuck Angel, I’m sorry. I know you were dead set on getting to Vegas,” Husk said. “I’m just not the kinda guy whose dreams come true,” said Angel quietly. “I wish I could do something,” Husk replied. “Don’t worry about me, Husky. I don’t bruise THAT easy,” Angel said, through a sad smile.

Suddenly, a group of people started heading towards the house.”Ah fuck, it’s the witch mob,” Angel muttered, as he got up to face them. “Relax everybody, I’m leaving!” he exclaimed. “We don’t want you to go!” Tom said. “Huh?” Angel asked. “This is our way of saying we were wrong about you, and we’re sorry,” the man continued. “Angel, you’re the best thing to ever happen to our town,” Millie smiled. “And as long as you’re in Falwell, you’ll have a free room at the Cozy Cot,” said Tom, as Angel smiled and hugged him. “Now wait just a minute, Tom!” Katie yelled, but he just rolled his eyes. “Shut up, you stupid bitch,” he said. “My dad, the mechanic here, even told me that he’ll have your car ready by afternoon,” Baxter said. “Oh great! Fuck, how can I pay him back for it?” Angel muttered. “He said you can work something out,” the boy smiled. 

“Angel? I’m sorry I ruined your debut. I hope there’s no hard feelings,” Mimzy said. “Eh, I ain’t gonna hold it against you. I’m bigger than that,” Angel smiled. Mimzy smiled and hugged him, then turned to Alastor. “Well?” she asked. “Hm? Oh yes! I’m terribly sorry about lighting you on fire and all that,” Alastor said. Just then, Pentious hurried over with some papers. “Anthony! I have some things you need to sign. With your brother gone, you’re the only heir to his estate,” he explained. “I am?! FUCK YEAH! I’m going to Vegas!” exclaimed Angel.

And so, Angel opened one of the most successful shows in Vegas, changed Falwell for the better, kept a steady relationship with Husk, and all was right with the world. Until they inevitably decided to make a sequel.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that ends this movie! I’m not COMPLETELY sure what to do next. Maybe Who Framed Roger Rabbit or the Addams Family or the Book of Life or something.
> 
> I did get requests to do The Shining and Scream, which I’ll get to once I watch those movies lmao. 
> 
> If you have movie ideas though, feel free to let me know!


End file.
